Secrets of a Chalet Girl: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance Novella Page 5

  That would be the same Cathy who wasn’t even speaking to her now.

  Flora climbed back into the bed. It was a truly gorgeous bed, so much nicer than her creaking bunk-bed back at Chalet Repos.

  Zac came into the room, carrying a tray with fresh croissants and a cafetière of coffee. She didn’t like to say she was strictly a tea girl.

  I’m certainly never being a ‘cocktail girl’ again…

  Her cheeks burned with embarrassment when she thought about what they’d done last night. Those Mojitos had a lot to answer for.

  You did it because you wanted to, the drinks didn’t make you do it.

  She glanced at the muscles still visible beneath Zac’s T-shirt. He was gorgeous and seemed lovely. And the connection between them felt pretty…incredible.

  Incredibly scary. I don’t think I’m ready for this.

  “I look a right state.” Flora grimaced and pulled the duvet up to her chin. “I’m not sure where I left my bag last night.”

  “You look lovely, trust me.” Zac smiled, putting the tray down on the bedside table. “I put your bag in here with your clothes.”

  He opened a small cupboard underneath and brought out her evening bag, scrutinising the beadwork closely. “This is really good. I’m guessing you made this, right?”

  “Yes,” she said, feeling a little shy. “It’s one of mine.”

  “You should definitely do something with this. You’re wasted in book-keeping and you can’t be a seasonaire forever you know?”

  I do know!

  Her hand tightened around the croissant she was holding. “Well, yes, obviously I know that.”

  Emotion bubbled up inside her, she couldn’t identify it but it felt dangerous, as though if she didn’t control it something catastrophic might happen.

  “I did some research for you last night.” Zac didn’t seem to be picking up her mood. He produced a sheaf of papers.

  “Did you sleep at all last night?” She looked incredulously at the paperwork. Instinctively she wanted to withdraw, to pull back into her shell and hide from the world. She didn’t want to connect, to share, to expose herself for scrutiny. Her dreams were just that – hers.

  And she’d had enough of being told what to do for a lifetime.

  “I don’t sleep much, only four or five hours a night and when I’m up I like to work, to do something productive, you know?” Zac enthused, spreading the papers out on the bed.

  “Right.” Flora absently shredded her croissant, her appetite fading. All of a sudden she wanted to be on her own. “It’s very kind of you but I don’t need your…help.”

  The bubbling, churning emotion surged inside her. The rapidly rising tide of emotion made her jittery, scared she wouldn’t be able to control it. The smile on her face was frozen into place, her cheeks aching. If she left now would that be rude?

  Today of all days she needed to be alone. She was an emotional liability - guilt, fear, anger and loss cannoning around inside her, looking for an external target to strike out at. She couldn’t unleash the tsunami on Zac, it wouldn’t be fair of her.

  “I don’t mind helping, it’s no trouble.” Zac didn’t seem to be getting the hint, he was too taken up with whatever plan he’d formulated. “I think you need to start small and sell through eBay and etsy.com. Maybe set up an online shop once you’ve got enough stock. Here are some guides explaining everything you need to know and the taxation implications depending on which country you decide to base yourself in.”

  Flora slipped out of bed. “That’s great Zac, thanks. Look I’m really sorry but I’m afraid I’ve got to go. I’ve just remembered I promised to do something for Holly.”

  “I thought you had some time off?”

  “It’s, er wedding related stuff,” Flora bluffed. “I’ll go and get changed and you know…go…”

  Really? That’s the best you can come up with Flora? Brain, please engage my tongue because you’re both doing a crap job!

  But the panic was rising inside her.

  “Do you want to hang out later? I could teach you to snowboard?”

  Flora shuddered inwardly. Accept help in another field in which she was inexperienced and he knew everything? No thanks. Absolutely no way.

  If she saw Zac again it had to be on an equal footing. This was freaking her out too much.

  “Um, maybe,” she replied. “I’ll get my phone and we can…trade numbers?”

  Zac caught her eye and in a sudden flash she remembered what it had been like having him inside her. She looked away, down at the floor and fled to the en suite to get dressed as quickly as possible.

  Once dressed again, finally managing the zip on her dress without asking Zac for help, she bumped into him in the hallway.

  “Hey, you forgot these.” He handed her the papers, now fastened together with treasury tags.

  “Oh, thanks,” Flora flushed again, feeling the heat creeping up her neck, her body reacting to their close proximity. How did you say goodbye in these situations? A peck on the cheek? An awkward ‘bye then?’

  Zac solved the question for her by leaning in to kiss her. Desire responded inside her but she was determined to ignore it this time. She had to be alone. She needed time to think. This was how Tom had worked, confusing her with kisses and kindnesses until she almost doubted her recollections of his other behaviour.

  Zac isn’t Tom.

  She knew that was true, but still… making her feelings subject to logic and reason wasn’t something she’d mastered yet.

  “I need to go.” She headed to the front door, ignoring the spasm of longing surging deep inside her.

  “Later?” He quirked an eyebrow, intense blue eyes searching her face as though hoping to read subtitles explaining what was happening between them.

  “Perhaps.” She smiled and half raised her right arm in an awkward wave. “I’ll, er, text you.”

  “Are you going to be alright walking back?” He eyed her knee-high boots dubiously.

  “I’ll be fine, it looks like they’ve cleared the pavements of ice.” She smiled and edged away, trying not to meet his eye. “Bye then.”

  It was a relief to finally stop smiling once she was out of his sight. When she’d been putting Zac’s number into her phone she’d noticed a new email alert from Cathy and wanted some privacy to read it. Tom’s sister hadn’t contacted her in months.

  Maybe it’s a peace offering at last?

  She was glad her coat covered up what was obviously an evening dress. Other seasonaires might call this the ‘walk of pride,’ but to Flora it felt like a walk of shame.

  Today was supposed to be my wedding day. I would’ve been wearing my wedding dress…

  But how could she have married Tom? She stepped carefully over a pile of snow not yet cleared and made herself think about Zac instead.

  He had only been trying to help.

  You were rude.

  But whatever happened next in her life had to be her decision, her plan, her actions…

  One hundred per cent independence might be lonely but it was the only way to go. She had to stick to it, not be swayed by the first man to show an interest in her. A non-sexual interest as well as fancying her, that was. Plenty of men had tried to induce her to join in with the bed hopping, or some cringey ‘fondle-her-in-a-gondola.’ She hated that phrase and she’d also refused invitations to the ‘nearly naked’ Sunday evening bar sessions - just a blatant excuse for all the cocky exhibitionists in Verbier to take their clothes off.

  At least she only stripped in private!

  Neither did she sneak over the fence to get into the Hotel Royale’s Jacuzzi -the place to be in the evening if you fancied getting it on with other like-minded seasonaires.

  Somehow she didn’t think last night had changed all that for her. She was never going to be that girl. Intimacy was hard enough without the risk that among all those strangers she might accidentally pick someone like Tom.

  Flora rubbed her hands together to keep
them warm. The sky was blue but the sun hadn’t reached this part of town yet. It would be lovely up on the slopes today, maybe she should hit the pistes instead of moping. It would take her mind off everything. Since when had feeling sorry for yourself ever solved anything?

  She wished she hadn’t let her herself think about Tom last night. Thinking about that night, the most awful of her entire life, was like a car crash - you wanted to look away but found yourself staring over the crash barriers nonetheless. She could understand the reasons why Tom had acted as he did but she’d never be able to excuse him. His father’s heart attack and convalescence had put pressure on Tom, leaving him to run the business.

  She’d sympathised until he’d increasingly taken his frustrations out on her. The first time he’d crossed the line he’d lost his temper and shoved her against a wall during a row. He’d convinced her afterwards it was an accident. She’d believed him because she wanted to.

  She’d been stupid.

  For months she’d been thinking about leaving but every time she came close he seemed to sense it and did something so lovely and caring she began to seriously doubt her own judgement. It’d seemed selfish to leave him when he was under so much pressure.

  And his family, well she hadn’t wanted to leave them either. She’d known cancelling the wedding would break his mother’s heart at a time when she was worried sick about her husband. Leaving felt cruel and selfish.

  But then Tom had punched her and her world had tilted on its axis.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “Hi there, dirty stop-out!” Tash was slipping into her ski boots outside Chalet Repos, her skis propped up against a wall. “Didn’t expect to see you back so soon. Why aren’t you still holed up with the stud from last night?”

  Flora shrugged, kicking at a bit of ice at the side of the path.

  “Like that is it? Fancy joining us?” Tash asked, bending over to snap the boots into place. “We’re all doing the run over to Italy, to Courmayeur for lunch.” It sounded like the perfect distraction. “Sounds like a plan. Just give me a chance to get changed.”

  Fresh air and sunshine had to help, surely?

  “You’ve got at least ten minutes I reckon. The others are on a go-slow after last night. There are some sore heads in there. And baby Lexie woke everyone up at five am too. Still, it’s such a great forecast and the fresh air should blow the cobwebs and bad tempers away.”

  Flora raced to the dorm room, getting changed as quickly as she could in the small space considering Amelia and Sophie were also getting dressed. She did her best to deflect their questions about Zac. The email from Cathy was burning a hole in her pocket but there was no time to act on it. Truth be told she was scared to open it. As long as she didn’t read it she could hope it might be good news, an olive branch email.

  Finally, while they were standing in the snow, waiting for the telecabine, she decided she had to open the email. She took her phone out of the pocket of her ski jacket and opened the email. Almost immediately she wished she hadn’t.

  She stared at the screen, frozen to the spot even though the queue had moved on, barely noticing the mutterings of the people behind her.

  “Hey, earth to Flora. What’s up?” Tash pulled on her elbow, propelling her forward on her skis. Flora was taken by surprise and almost fell over backwards into a snowdrift, only just managing to right herself in time.

  “I’ve changed my mind. I just want to sit back in one of the deckchairs at the canteen and get some sun. I don’t feel up to a big day out and I’ve got some emails to do.”

  She clutched her phone tightly, waving it as though to make her point and feeling a tad unhinged. How could she even start to process this latest assault?

  “Are you sure?” Tash seemed distracted, looking ahead at the rest of the gang. She clearly wanted to go, not act as a nursemaid to Flora. It would be selfish to ask her to stay.

  “Go on. I’ll be fine.” Flora forced a smile and waved Tash off.

  Liar.

  She snapped out of her skis and put them into a rack, her hands shaking. Then she joined the other sunbathers and skiers taking a break, sinking down onto a bright red canteen deckchair. She shaded the screen of her phone from the sunshine so she could re-read the email. There was no ‘dear’ or even a ‘Hi’ at the start of the email. Just the plain stark facts with lashings of screaming subtext.

  ‘Dad died of a heart attack yesterday morning. The doctors said that stress was a major contributor. I hope you think the price you paid to go off and ‘find yourself’ was worth it.’

  The unfairness of it was a vicious kick to the kidneys.

  Tears rolled down behind Flora’s sunglasses and onto her cheeks. She tried to cry silently so she wouldn’t draw attention to herself.

  She’d been fond of Bob, he’d been so much more fatherly than her own dad and a kind boss to work for, however much she’d found the work boring. It’d been Bob who’d shown her how to change the oil in her car and how to use a power drill to put up pictures.

  My fault. My fault. My fault…

  She almost choked on her sobs, the breath catching in her chest, her body flooded with grief as the tears streamed down her cheeks. It didn’t seem to matter she hadn’t had a choice. Everyone hated her. Tom’s mum would blame her too. Margaret had already railed at her for ‘breaking my poor Tom’s heart.’

  She’d never been able to tell them about Tom punching her. Whether it was from irrational shame and shock or genuine pity and desire to prevent further grief she didn’t know. It was probably a mixture of all of the above. All she knew for sure was that when she tried to talk about it the words just wouldn’t come.

  And all she’d cared about at the time was getting away. She’d been certain they would always back Tom over her.

  Looks like I was right…

  Of course they had. They’d never really been her family.

  She couldn’t summon up enough embarrassment to check the tears running down her cheeks. Her fighting spirit had been crushed and at that moment she felt more lost than she ever had. She thought she’d bottomed out months ago. It went to show you could never let your guard down. The next shock or slap in the face might be just around the corner.

  “Hey Flora.” She heard Zac’s voice before she saw him, her vision too blurred with tears. He touched her lightly on the arm. “I was about to get a coffee and sit in the sun. I see you’ve had the same idea.”

  Then he fell quiet, she guessed he’d seen the tears escaping from beneath her sunglasses.

  “What’s wrong?” He frowned at her. “Is this about last night?”

  “No…oo,” she choked out an answer through her sobs.

  He crouched down next to her and with embarrassment she realised she couldn’t control her sobs. The tears kept pouring out.

  The dam had well and truly burst and she couldn’t do a thing about it.

  “I’m, s … s … sorry.” She looked into his face, the compassion she saw there only made her feel even worse.

  Great way to make an impression. So much for playing it cool.

  “Hey.” Zac pulled her sunglasses off and when he saw her face he sank down onto his knees in the snow, pulling her closely to his chest.

  She let him hold her, feeling limper than a rag doll. All the breath had been knocked out of her by the email, the bereavement, the blame…

  I should be able to deal with this. I will deal with it. But right now, right this second, I can’t.

  “What’s up?” He pulled back a little to examine her face.

  She stared wordlessly at him, aware of the other canteen clientele staring at them but too distraught to pull herself together.

  Great! I haven’t cried for months and I choose here and now to have a mini meltdown?

  Where on earth did she start?

  “It’s complicated.” She sniffed, grimacing in acknowledgement of the cliché but more concerned about whether she could find a tissue for her runny nose in any of her pockets
. Looking like crap in front of Zac was clearly de rigeur.

  “I’ve got time for complicated, I’m not going anywhere,” he replied, his eyes serious, searching her face as though looking for clues of how he could solve her.

  He likes me…

  The thought flashed into her mind, jolting her and making her senses tingle. The realisation sent a ray of light into her murky thoughts. With everyone in her old life either hating her like Cathy or indifferent like her parents, having someone like Zac actively seeking her out felt like a life raft on this ocean of turbulent emotions.

  “Can we go back to your chalet?” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she’d had time to talk herself out of it. She needed to feel wanted and affirmed. She needed Zac to distract her if today wasn’t going to be a total disaster. She should never have run away this morning.

  And she had a pretty good idea how he might be able to do it.

  “Okay. Do you need to put your skis in a locker? I can take them for you if you like?”

  “Thank you.” Flora was profoundly grateful; relieved he cared enough to take her on with her mess, runny nose and all. Because, she had to face it – yesterday she’d been trying, pretty unsuccessfully to channel her inner sex kitten but today her inner neurotic was running the show. And why exactly had she overacted and fled earlier?

  I really need to get my head together.

  “I’m so sorry,” Flora apologised when Zac returned, feeling wretched.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Something’s clearly wrong and you don’t need to be ashamed of your reaction. Bottling it all up is what messes with your head.”

  “Oh. Are you talking from experience?” She looked up at him. They’d discarded their ski gloves and he laced his fingers through hers.

  “Yes, I’m talking from experience,” Zac replied shortly. She waited but he said nothing more.

  Clearly he was of the ‘strong and silent’ mould. Well that worked for her.

  Electricity crackled between them again and the familiar gut churning anticipation mingled with unease. She wasn’t sure which element was the most powerful.